It has been quite some time since I have actually written on the blog. I have posted some photos and interesting reads, but I have not updated you on what is happening. In the last couple of months, I have been on leave from work, now pending disability retirement. The process is long and somewhat drawn out, and now it appears the final decision will possibly not be made until December, as it is on the mercy of several doctor's offices getting records delivered- and that can take quite some time in my experience. In addition to this, I have had to switch attorneys due to a tremendous error on my previous attorney, and am also in the process of selling my home.
This is a lot for anyone to handle, and most days I have found that I am doing ok- and by ok, I mean not trying to make myself stay in bed and avoid the world. :) I have been doing the exact opposite, keeping myself so busy that I do not even allow myself time to stop and relax. This can be just as harmful. I still have my daily headaches, and for almost two weeks, I had the tremendous headache in the back of my head, that was only compounded by the stress headache I would get at the top of my head and behind my eyes. I am not sure how I made it through that! It is wonderful that I have so much support and that my family and friends are so understanding of me when I am having a bad day- or days in that case.
I had a really low day a couple of days ago, but I made it through. I have found that these low days will creep up on me, and it takes a lot... A LOT... to make it through without hiding.
Rather, I made myself be active with my family. I can't explain how much this helped, even though I wanted to bury my head from the world on the inside. At the end of the day, we went to eat, and I assisted with a woman who was having a stroke at the restaurant. Thank goodness for training. The poor woman's pulse was at 48 bpm when the paramedics arrived, and all I could look at was her husband in tears and her grandsons' confused looks. They were there as a family for a birthday celebration that did not come to fruition. My own children sat still when the paramedics arrived, and watched everything unfold; my oldest had tears in her eyes. I am not sure if the woman made it through, but I really hope she did.
Though this event was tragic, it made me think of so much that life has to offer, and how quickly it could end. At a pizza place with your family, during a celebration- when times couldn't be better- and all can be gone in an instant.
I took that time to focus on my own family, and thought that no matter how I feel on the inside, no matter how cloudy and foggy my head feels, or how much I want to hide, I have to make the most of everyday. It can be gone so quickly...
It's ok to have a bad day, or days; since my TBI, I have so many more. The important this is to recover from them, and keep moving forward.
Until later, I leave you with a song. I find it to be extremely inspirational, and very relevant to this blog, to my life, and to the lives of so many who struggle with pain (seen or not).
I am not sure Rachel Platten (singer/co-writer) and Dave Bassett (co-writer) meant for it to be understood this way, but I believe that art is meant to be interpreted.
Read more: Rachel Platten - Fight Song Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Be the reason someone chose not to give-up.
Photo credit to https://beacon.wharton.upenn.edu/entrepreneurship/2014/11/scale-your-mindset/