This week was a doozie- I don't think that is a real word, but, it would make even more sense if it wasn't. :) I had some big decisions to make this week. Though I had so much anxiety and nervousness about them, I cannot express how relieved I am feeling now that they have been made. I will be starting on a new journey soon, and I am looking forward to it. I saw the doctor again this week, and unfortunately, some of the persistent issues I am facing will not be going away; they will just be kept at bay with medications. I was told that the issues were secondary to the TBI, and that though my brain has technically healed, there are ongoing issues that have no end date. I have been doing some research (I will add a link for a free book- Word document), on the brain, TBIs, etc., and I have found the reading to be so interesting, and so validating. Sometimes I just feel like a crazy person. In reading, I have felt validated that some of the issues I deal with (for example, not remembering words when I need to (and then describing them to people so that they can help me) )are also described by many other people who have experienced TBI. There are several other issues, that I will write about as they come up, that were eye-opening. From all that I read (and am able to recall), improvement slows down immensely as the two-year post-incident approaches. The good news is that it still improves. The bad news is that I think it is already slow, and I am impatient. Again, the good news is there will be continual improvement. I was told that I am not progressing as well because of stress I deal with, and that basically the only way to improve this is to decrease the stress. For me, this means a lot of changes will be happening. Hence my new journey. I am optimistic that my new journey will bring about the changes I am hoping for.
Now, I am going to share something with you that I was not sure I should share, but I think it is insightful to TBI and recovery. DISCLAIMER: For any potential future employers (should that ever happen), please know that this is not an issue, and I am proud that I have improved.*** For any one else, please know that there are struggles your loved ones and others may not realize. I have said before that I am missing part of my memory (about 6-8 months worth) ; I do not recall doing this, but my loved ones described to me that while I was at work, on almost a daily basis after I went back, I would call them crying and asking them to come and get me (as I was hiding under my desk or in my office with the door closed). I can faintly recall a time when I thought about hiding, but this was more recent, and I do not remember their experiences. Two of my loved ones told me about these incidents- and they were almost daily apparently. This was so hard for me to hear. I can only imagine how they felt, and how I must have felt at that time to resort to these measures. Maybe this is why some of my memory is gone? Maybe some of the feelings are just too uncomfortable to bear? Or, maybe it is what I think- a combination of this and the TBI. Regardless, I have made huge strides, and am optimistic that they will continue, I know at a slower pace, but will still continue which is tremendous. I am so thankful to have my support system, and to know that they are there for me, no matter how tough it gets. Please be there for your loved ones. Even if it is a text that says you are thinking of them, and just wanted to check and see how they are doing. These little gestures go a long way.
Be the reason someone chose not to give-up.
Photo credit to https://beacon.wharton.upenn.edu/entrepreneurship/2014/11/scale-your-mindset/