For starters, I am sorry that I have not posted in so long (five months!). There are a lot of reasons as to "why" I have not posted, but the biggest reason is that I have been in a cyclical funk.
I have learned, as I have shared before, that we definitely change after TBI. As of late, I am coming face-to-face with more of the effects TBI has had on my life, and I am honestly struggling in dealing with them.
It would be nice if there was a day that I could have a reprieve from the the constant reminder of the event that changed my life. A day with no headache, double vision, second and triple guessing myself, fatigue, depression, and the list goes on... A day where I could just feel like the "old self" I so miss being. A day where I did not feel that I had to qualify, to myself, how I would have reacted before my head injury as compared to how I react now, and also to not feel compelled to tell others how I would have been before.
Even as I write this, I have a tear streaming down my cheek.
I know that there is a struggle for everyone, of some sort or another, and that struggle is most definitely real.
Just because a person can't visibly see your struggle, does not mean it is any easier. Often, I will put a smile on my face and minimize my true feelings and pains so that others, especially those I love and am closest to, do not have to suffer even an inkling of the pain I am feeling. The sad part, that I do realize, is that they are the ones who want to help the most. Just knowing this is comforting, but the ones I love are the ones I want to protect the most.
I read a post the other day where another had injury survivor stated something like they wished they could take their head off for a day... the funny thing is that this is something I have said more than once. It is, however, comforting to know that there are others who have these same thoughts.
This post is short, but I felt like I really needed to share. I hope you are all doing well, and that you know that there are others who, though they may not have the same struggle, are willing and wanting to help you through yours. Your struggle is real, and we are all in it together.
Love you all.
Until next time,
Be the reason someone chose not to give-up.
Photo credit to https://beacon.wharton.upenn.edu/entrepreneurship/2014/11/scale-your-mindset/