A couple months ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Donna Figurski, through Twitter (@DonnaFigurski). She is a wonderful lady, with her own story of how TBI has definitely impacted her life. Donna gave me the wonderful opportunity to do an interview for her, for her wonderful blog (I will link it in the Resources page), and let my voice be heard.
It was a great opportunity to let the TBI Community know that I am there, and supporting them as much as they are supporting me. I can't say enough how thankful I am, but please check it out, and leave a comment (https://survivingtraumaticbraininjury.com/2016/04/15/survivors-speak-out-raquel-rocky-gloden/) (or click on the button below).
While you are there, please check out the other survivors on her blog, and Donna's story. She is an excellent writer, and you will undoubtedly enjoy reading her story.
Thank you all for your support.
So this morning I awoke to my alarm, and hit the snooze, as per usual. Waking up, even to my alarm, is much more difficult post injury than it ever was before (admittedly I have never really been a "morning person" though). Eventually (meaning 5 snoozes later), I got out of bed, got the kids up and ready for school, and headed out.
I am, most obviously, now back home. Recently, I was told that I needed to list the ways that my TBI has impacted my life- family, friends, financial, health, etc. I was told to make this list a couple of weeks ago, and I still cannot bring myself to do it. This morning, on my way home from dropping off the kids at school, it hit me why. I am filled with more self-doubt than I have EVER been. Ever.
I always believed I could do anything I set my mind to. Whether it be getting really strong and muscular, or learning a new language. I never academically struggled in school, did not struggle with athletics, and definitely did not waiver in my decision making. What I have noticed in myself now, is that I now doubt my abilities in all of the above, and most of all, in my daily life choices. Now, there are times when I am thankful for my memory problems. I will waiver before I make a decision, and then later, I forget that I even wavered, and sometimes even the decision (hence the reason I have two freezers full of frozen vegetables I keep forgetting that I have already purchased). Oddly, I do not waiver on heavy decisions- such as those that impact my family or others- just on those that effect or affect me. I do excellent in life or death situations, but I struggle with the daily in's and out's of my life. My children, husband, and pets are cared for, but I neglect myself.
I have a clear sense of right and wrong, yet doubt my abilities to pursue and follow-through. This is likely one of the leading reasons why I have such difficulty in actually doing so. It is a cycle I am struggling to end. I have my good days, and I most definitely have my bad. I have started eating better and working-out more (on doctor's orders), and I am feeling better, physically. I would like to say that emotionally and cognitively I was in the same place, but as I have explained, I am most definitely not.
I am not an unhappy person. I am blessed with a family and friends who truly love and care about me. I am aware that even with the difficulties I have faced and will face, there are so many others who struggle worse, and don't see a light at all. Some people never will, and do not have 1/8 of the positive support that I do. I know this, and know that I am truly blessed.
I really want to make this cycle end. I figured writing about this would be most beneficial for me, as I have always felt more comfortable writing about how I feel, than actually expressing it. (I do cry all the time now, but I really do not like it, and prefer not to show it if I can avoid showing it at all. I am actually crying now. Ugh.).
I know that there are many other people out there who may feel this way, or at least some version of it. For you, I am offering support. There are people who care, whether you know them in person or not. There are people who are fighting to make a difference for you, and trying to help re-route your cycle to a straighter path.
After all, I want the road to continue, I just get tired of passing the same landmarks.
Thanks for reading.
Be the reason someone chose not to give-up.
Photo credit to https://beacon.wharton.upenn.edu/entrepreneurship/2014/11/scale-your-mindset/